Zeba Hisam
(Published in Dawn Magazine on Sunday, August 3, 1997)
WE, GIRLS are brought up in such a way that we have a deep-rooted dream of getting married. Dreaming of getting married is not the problem but making it the main purpose of life, or the only goal to achieve, is where the trouble lies. The picture that flashes in every girl’s mind is of a Mr. Right who will surround her with moonlight and roses. She waits for the day when Mr. Right will come and take her hand and whisk her away to start living a new life of love and peace. With married will dawn the day when suddenly all problems will vanish and happiness will reign supreme.
Expectations of a happy future should be there, but ignoring all life’s little pleasures for the sake of that final big pleasure is a great mistake.
I know it from personal experience that every girl has a hope chest, in which she treasures all the attractive articles she hopes to use after marriage. No matter what their social or educational background is, all girls do it. Whether she’s a B.A, M.A, L.L.B, B.E, M.B.A or M.B.B.S, she scrimps and saves and puts away all her goodies for her wedding day.
Some girls do beautiful embroidery on shirts, make doily sets, tablemats, sofa backs and what not! It is all for decorating a house after marriage. We all keep collecting cosmetics, perfumes, dresses and other accessories and keep on waiting, sometimes for decades, for that mythical moment our marriage day, our marriage day, when our carefully saved treasures will add color to our new life with a brand new husband.
Now I don’t understand why we do it? I feel pity for us for sticking to this outdated custom. Why keep these things for the future? Why not wear the beautiful embroidered shirt and experience a feeling of pride! Why not spray the perfume, which was sent by the brother abroad! Why not use the lipstick and blush on, kept buried in the hope chest all the way up to the expiry date! How many times do we dream of using them after marriage. These dowry articles are meant for temporary joy, not promising or guaranteeing a happy future. The enthusiasm to use these things fades with the passage of time, as we start growing older. That joy is killed before we achieve the right occasion to start using them.
Nobody can predict the future but of course, we can make our present delightful. Married life comes out to be excellent and wonderful only by learning to cope with the problems, not by using these worthless articles of dowry which have been wasted since decades with the hope of getting married!’